It's been two years since I last seriously contemplated having my sealed adoption papers opened. I'm not sure why I've put the inevitable off. All I know is I am feeling the pull again.
Recently, I met a couple, Joyce and Larry, at the cafe where I work. I don't recall how we delved into a conversation about adoption, but before the end of the evening, Joyce convinced me to submit DNA testing through Ancestry.com She was convinced my family history would be uncovered and that I could find my birth mother through the results. I ordered the kit, filled the tube with saliva, and mailed it off just days later. I await results...not entirely convinced they will be those I hope for.
In the meantime, I've pulled out the Petition for Information or to Examine Records form I've had neatly folded and tucked away in my office for close to two years. Truly, I believe opening the court-sealed records is the easiest way to unleash my true identity. After sharing my concerns about alienating my parents--particularly my mother, Joyce advised me I should not involve my parents in this search. She said it might be best to protect them from heartache. I believe she is right...but I hate keeping secrets. I am so bad at doing so. Would I be so wrong to keep the secret guarded?
Will I have the courage to contact my birth mother?
Will she want to see me?
Do I have siblings who might be aware I exist? Will I be able to accept the possibility I have been a secret all these years and must continue to be one should they don't?
How do I protect my mother if I am able to meet my birth mother? After all, I would like my children to be a part of this reunion. Will they be able/willing to keep it under wraps?
Will my efforts even help me feel whole?
I intend to wait for the DNA results first. Contacting a lawyer and submitting the Petition for Information or to Examine Records form to the York, Maine court house will be tabled for now.
I dream...
Hannah (AKA ~Laurie)
